fragment #16

fragment #15

I think things are cool between me and Ben Franklin. We had a talk, and I explained that I wasn't into immortals. I also introduced him to my friend, Gay Andy. They seem to really like each other. I wonder if all gay people scissor, or just lesbians?

The rest of the day was pretty boring except a snake talked to me. He was pretty boring too though. He just kept asking me to read his poetry. I don't want to read any snake poetry. It's probably depressing.

fragment #15

fragment #14

OK so, Ben Franklin is not a vampire, just immortal, and now things are kinda awkward (I think I broke his heart).

I think I'm going to just skip a day, and make myself a Whiskey Bathtub. If you don't know how to make a Whiskey Bathtub here's the recipe...

1 glass of whiskey (fill to brim)

1 bathtub

Fill bathtub with water

Get into bathtub (remember to take the whiskey with you)

Wallow in sadness

fragment #14

fragment #13

Ben Franklin is a vampire! We all hung out at FatFat's the day after the party. Ben Franklin kept trying to get me to go into the bathroom with him. I think he was trying to suck my blood. Also one time, when were in the kitchen alone, I felt him come up behind me. He just stood there, really close, breathing on my neck. I wonder if I should destroy him.

FatFat made us all huevos rancheros. Mine had a sock in it for some reason but was still pretty good.

fragment #13

fragment #12

Since I had returned to life, Lyle threw me a big party. He gave me this huge bottle of this stuff called Zwak. It's kinda like Jäger but for pretentious people. I drank like half the bottle, but never really got buzzed. I wonder how come that happened.

A lot of people showed up, including this one guy that looked just like Ben Franklin. I asked FatFat about him and it turns out, it was Ben Franklin! Lyle met him at the laundry mat on the corner of Sidco and Elm, and they hit it off. How is he still alive? I wonder if he's a vampire...

Davenport did a keg stand, and somehow managed to break all his fingers in the process. Weird.

fragment #12

fragment #11

So, I decided to suicide. I had rather be dead again than a weiner dog. When my master wasn't looking, I ran out into traffic. A late model Volvo hit me causing my spine to fractured and my stomach to burst, spilling my guts in the hot sun. It took a while to die and no one really seemed to care, even my master. The last thing I heard, before the world went black, was a little kid yell, "Mommy, Mommy, that weiner dog exploded!"

When I woke up, I was me again and alive. Although, I kind of feel like my hands may be smaller than they were before.

fragment #8

fragment #7

When I got back from space FatFat was waiting for me at my door. He told me Lyle had some moonshine his parents had smuggled in from Macedonia, and that I should come over and try a bit. The rest of that day is pretty hazy, at best. I do remember squashing roaches in Lyle's kitchen while screaming "I do not value human life!" I also remember FatFat saying he was disappointed in my behavior, but I can't remember if it was about killing the roaches or not.

When I woke up the next morning my ears were bleeding but nothing felt missing so I took a shower, and went to work. They sent me home due to my smell and the bleeding. I tried to tell them the smell was from space but no one believed me.

reason #6

fragment #5

Yesterday, I went for a bike ride in the park. I noticed a path I hadn't taken before, so I took it. The path seemed to go on for miles and miles. At the end I came to a clearing. Beautiful naked people were everywhere. You could see there was no sexual tension in their eyes. The innocence of childhood had been reclaimed. I took off my clothes and let the sun wash over me. I had never felt so free. A young women approached me with a frown on her face. She looked down at my body and then said to me, "You are terrible." Then she began to vomit. Mortified, I threw my clothes back on, jumped on my bike, and peddled away. On the way home I wrecked and cut my knee. Unfortunately the bleeding stopped.

fragment #4

fragment #3


Tuesday morning, I got up and it was the end of the world. Bombs rained from the sky, and the streets were lit with fire. People were screaming, sirens wailed. One lady ran past my window clutching her head. Blood streaked her hair, and it was falling out in big patches. I closed my blinds and went back to sleep.

The next day I went over to Lyle's house. I told him about my date with the lady and the child that we did not have. He told me that it was for the best, and that I was too young to be a father anyhow. I like Lyle because he always knows what to say. We spent the rest of the day playing Mortal Kombat on his old Sega and drinking rum and grenadine. I think you call that a zombie.

fragment #3

fragment #2

Later that day, on my way home for work, I met a girl. I invited her to dinner, and over the course of the meal we fell very much in love. Later that night we tried to have a baby but it died inside her. With shovels found in the basement we dug a hole and buried it in the back yard. It looked like a bit of raw chicken laying there alone in the dirt. I cried all night, and soon a great river began to flow down the street on which she lived. Neighbors climbed onto their roofs, uncertain of what to do. I overturned an old doghouse and, after fashioning it into a raft, I paddled my way home.

fragment #2

Part 1

I went to work even though I was still blind from the sun, and drunk from the vodka. No one seemed to notice or care. I was happy today, secure in the knowledge that I had forgoten what I was trying to forget and also, from the vodka. Customers came and went in a grey, shapeless, unfulfilling kind of way. At one point a man from Germany came in and yelled at me until he bled from his throat. He fell to the floor, exhausted, but still cursing my name. I and the other employees left him there for the rest of day. Every hour or so he would yell "Scheisskopf!" and someone would toss some change at him. As I was leaving I noticed the cleaning lady sweep him away with the rest of the trash, and I couldn't help but smile.

fragment

I'm sitting on my porch watching the ice melt in my glass of vodka. Little rivers form flowing through the drink, barely noticeable. Cloudy swirls of chemicals travel along these rivers making the water more than water. Chemicals that kill micro organisms and strengthen my teeth. In the darkest places of my heart I can't think of these chemicals as anything but little intruders of cleanliness and well being. When I'm poisoning myself these intruders are unwelcome. I lift the glass and toast to my own health. The vodka is cold in my mouth. It immediately washes away any fear I have of intruders in my water or elsewhere. A pleasant numbness creeps along my tongue, to the edge of my lips, up my spine, and into my brain. The radio begins to play an Eagles song so I get up to switch it off but the silence is deafening, making it much harder to ignore things that I'm trying to ignore. I switch the radio back on and tune the dial to some white noise and stair at the sun till I go blind.