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I'm sitting on my porch watching the ice melt in my glass of vodka. Little rivers form flowing through the drink, barely noticeable. Cloudy swirls of chemicals travel along these rivers making the water more than water. Chemicals that kill micro organisms and strengthen my teeth. In the darkest places of my heart I can't think of these chemicals as anything but little intruders of cleanliness and well being. When I'm poisoning myself these intruders are unwelcome. I lift the glass and toast to my own health. The vodka is cold in my mouth. It immediately washes away any fear I have of intruders in my water or elsewhere. A pleasant numbness creeps along my tongue, to the edge of my lips, up my spine, and into my brain. The radio begins to play an Eagles song so I get up to switch it off but the silence is deafening, making it much harder to ignore things that I'm trying to ignore. I switch the radio back on and tune the dial to some white noise and stair at the sun till I go blind.