Saturday, July 9, 2011

fragment #35


Since the price of gas has gone up so much I had to opt out of FatFat's uncle Rick's gasoline treatment. Instead I went with the wiener dog treatment. Rick poured out a can of off brand dog food on my arm, and told me to, "Wait on them dogs to come over." The whole time Ralph begged me to change his mind. He even cried a little. The whole thing was pretty awkward.

The wiener dog who preformed the treatment claimed to be my cousin from that time I died and became a wiener dog myself, for a while. I just ignored him. I'm not prejudice but sometimes you have to draw a line when it comes to family.

The whole day was pretty terrible but when the wiener dog was finished doing it's thing Ralph was gone. I wonder if this counts as murder...


Tuesday, July 5, 2011

fragment #34


Christ, that asshole, Ralph tossed the rib eye right back in my face!
The bastard literally threw it at me! Says he only "Eats organic." I tried to tell him I was just wanted to make peace. He told me to "...Shove my peace up my ass."

Later I found a letter from his youngest , Jess. His own boy called him a "loser," and said "he never wanted to see him again." I feel kind of bad for the guy, but he still threw a steak at me though. Who does that? I can't deal with that kind of shit. Maybe there's a reason his family doesn't speak to him. I'm calling FatFat's uncle in the morning.

fragment #33


Ralph is acting all uppity ever since I tried to get rid of him. He said he's "...gonna get his buddies at the IRS to audit me." Jokes on him, I don't pay taxes or have a social security number. I'm off the grid. Plus I"m pretty sure I'm still legally dead.

Maybe I should see the doctor and get a biopsy or something. That or I get FatFat's uncle Rick to use his special gasoline treatment. I still can't grow hair on my right leg from that time I had this sketchy mole. Maybe I'll just make peace with Ralph. I'm going to go to the Super K and go buy him a giant rib eye right now.


Monday, June 13, 2011

fragment #32


I think my rash is getting worse. It introduced itself this morning as Ralph. Apparently Ralph is a C.P.A. from Indiana. He has three kids. Two of them are still in college and his oldest, Jenny just got married. The night before last he caught his wife cheating on him and after a night of heavy drinking he somehow ended up on my arm.

I put some cream on him and hope he goes away.

Sunday, June 12, 2011

fragment #31


Me and Lyle went to the Z-Mart to buy new shoes, today. In the parking lot some kid was taking up, donations for P.E.T.A. Lyle slapped the kid pretty hard and told him to "Grow the fuck up!" It was pretty awkward, but I agree with Lyle that it needed to be said. The shoes I got are ugly and too small, also I appear to be getting some type of rash.

Oh and I went to Narnia. Lyle was right. It was terrible.

Thursday, June 9, 2011

fragment #30


So, I've decided to just let Shelia be. Let the landlord deal with her when the rent shows up late. Next time she goes out for virgin blood and beer I'll sneak in and get my things. In the mean time Lyle says I can rent out his basement. I've never been down there, but he says it's not so bad. The only rule is to stay out of the big cabinet, that's down there. Lyle says it goes to Narnia. Apparently Narnia is terrible.


Tuesday, June 7, 2011

fragment #29


So, Shelia murdred the anulment guy. Turns out she's a sucubus. Bit off the guy's head, as soon as he tried to serve here the papers. Lyle says the only way to kill a sucubus is to fuck it's brains out with a condom blessed with holy water. He's volenteering for the job although I'm not sure how I feel about that. She may be a demon but she's still kinda my wife also, I wonder if he was being literal "fucking it's brains out."

Oh, turns out FatFat used to screw around with the anulment guy's mom and there's alot of bitterness between the two of them. So that's why he was so mad at me. He's cooled off now that the guy is dead.

All this death is giving me some serious depression. Maybe I need a vacation.

Friday, June 3, 2011

Fragment #28


I was still asleep on Lyle's lawn when FatFat woke me up with a swift kick to the ribs. There was an annoying little man standing behind him. FatFat said, "So here's this douche bag..." and walked away without saying anything else. The annoying little man glared at FatFat as he walked away and then turned his angry eyes to me. "I understand you need something annulled..." he said.

I told him about Shelia and gave him my address. He stared angrily at me for a second or two more and then turned on his heels at began to walk away.

I picked my self up off of the ground and decided to see if the guys wanted any breakfast. Lyle said he was still feeling pretty terrible from last night. FatFat wouldn't even look at me but, mouthed the words "Fuck You." out of the corner of his mouth. It felt pretty awkward so I left.

I wonder what that guy did to FatFat to make him so mad at me.

Monday, May 30, 2011

fragment #27


So I bought Lyle a bottle of Laphroaig for taking me in. He told me it tasted like someone had put a cigar out on a bagel, but in a good way. We split the bottle and also case of beer. We got pretty sloppy and spent most of the night playing Sega and talking about girls and other terrible things.

Lyle said one time he was at this party, and right away, he knew he was going to make the magic happen (his words not mine). There was this girl there named Eileen. Lyle said Eileen was funny, smart, and smelled strongly of cheap cigarettes (Lyle let it be known that this is a big time turn on for him) . They chatted for a bit, and pretty soon they were making out in someone's bedroom closet.

That night they went home together, but Lyle kept noticing she was calling him Larry on the ride home. No matter how many times he corrected her, she called him Larry. Lyle told me it even happened during the sex. Lyle says the whole thing was pretty psychologically damaging and he had to fake his big finish. He also claims that now when he watch's Vh1 and Dexy's Midnight Runner comes on he is filled with a great deal of shame.

After telling me the story Lyle kicked me out so I slept in his yard. FatFat wasn't back yet and I wasn't ready to deal with Sheila.

Tuesday, May 24, 2011

fragment #26


I'm hiding out at Lyle's, until this marriage thing blows over. Sheila seems pretty volatile. The crazy bitch threw the sofa threw my living room wall when I told her I was out of beer. Lyle says he knows a specialist for this kind of thing, and has sent FatFat out to retrieve him.

I have to admit staying at Lyle's is pretty fun. He showed me his dad's collection of vintage Penthouse Magazines. All these boobs of women probably long dead. I think The Who wrote a song about something like that.

Somehow I accidentally set one on fire, but Lyle was pretty cool about it, even though it was probably priceless. Sometimes I am such a fool. I'm pretty lucky to have a dude like Lyle around. When I have hard times like these. I should buy him a present or something.

What kind of present do dudes buy each other?


Friday, May 20, 2011

fragment #25


So, this is the conversation I had over breakfast yesterday:

Me: So, last night was crazy.
Her: ...
Me: I don't even remember much of what happened.
Her: ...
Me: Look, do how much do I owe you? (her eyes turn to derisive slits.)
Her: Owe me? You think I'm a whore?!

At the point there was a lot of yelling and breaking of my stuff. Apparently, I'm married now. I'm told we'll be very happy once she calms down and that I go get some of her "Special Medicine" everything will be fine. I got to talk to Lyle about getting this thing annulled. Oh, and her name is Sheila.

Thursday, May 19, 2011

fragment #24


When I woke up this morning my ears were bleeding. I vaguely recall going out last night to celebrate the ghosts moving, out but not much else.

Also there appears to be a hooker in my bed. I don't want to make any assumptions on character, but she has cigarette burns on her thigh and keeps twitching in her sleep. I wonder what's the protocol on this...

Wednesday, May 18, 2011

fragment #23


Well Davenport and Charles killed Mr. Proufrock. Drank his blood and everything. That was terrible, but the good news is they said they would quit with the Ambien. Also they decided they like being ghost. They're going to get their own place and everything. This is turning into a great day. Maybe I'll even invite them to poker night. Davenport used to come when he was still alive. I'm not sure if ghosts even like poker though.

Tuesday, May 17, 2011

fragment #22


When I woke up this morning I noticed two things. One, that I has shit myself again, and two there was a man standing at the foot of the bed. The man was smallish and presented himself as Thadeus Jame Proufrock, Paranormal Extinguisher. Mr. Proufrock told me he would help me with my ghost problem. I explained to him that it didn't matter anyway because the ghost had stolen my soul. Mr. Proufrock just laughed at this. He said to me:

"My dear boy, there's no such thing as a soul. Those beasts have been forcing you to snort Ambien on a semi-hourly basis. You are higher than a Count on Christmas. Now time to get cleaned up we have much work to do."

At that point he sprayed me with a seltzer bottle and ripped away my soiled sheets. I think this guy means business because he talks so funny. Also he smells like menthol and old people. I guess that's cause he's old.

Anyway I'm glad to have my soul back.


Saturday, May 14, 2011

fragment #21


This no soul thing is terrible. I feel powerless to do anything about anything. I've done nothing but stare at my bedroom ceiling for the last three days. I shit myself at some point, and now Davenport won't stop giggling like an idiot. Charles has been reading his stupid poetry non-stop and vaguely want to die but, not enough to do anything about it.

Lyle came over to barrow some money. He didn't even say anything when he saw me laying on the bed like this, covered in my own shit. He just took a fiver out of my wallet and left the room. Now, I can hear him, Charles, and Davenport watching Police Academy in the other room. Fucking assholes.

Tuesday, May 10, 2011

fragment #20


I don't know what those ghost have done to me, but my head feels empty like some scooped out my brain and replaced it with marshmallows. I couldn't even tie my shoes on the first go this morning. I tried to call Lyle for help but couldn't remember his phone number or even how to use a phone. I heard Charles and Davenport snickering in the bathroom. They are definitely up to something...

Turns out those bastards removed my soul last night while I was sleeping. Who knew you even needed a soul to tie shoes? Those fucking ghost have got to go.

Saturday, May 7, 2011

fragment #19

fragment #18

It turns out getting drunk with ghost around is a really stupid idea. At one point Davenport convinced me to drink some of his ghost tears. They tasted like salty grenadine and sadness. The tears transported me emotionally to the time of my greatest rejection. Jessica Shands I will never forgive you, or the fourth grade. My psyche thoroughly damaged I retired to the living room to watch a movie.

Charles the Snake kept trying to get me to watch Anaconda, but I refused, I've never cared for Ice cube as an actor. Instead I put on Three Men and a Baby. Davenport is a Gutenburg fiend and Charles had never seen it before, so It kept them from bitching about the whole murder thing for a while.

I'm gonna take a nap now. I'm still feeling pretty depressed about girls from my grade school.

fragment #18


Charles the snake's ghost is haunting me. Nothing is worse than a ghost snake poet. He keeps crying blood on the carpet, and using iambic pentameter to tell me how terrible I am.

To make matters worse, Davenport came over and was such a dick. He told me the ghost snake poet would be good for me, because he likes me better when I was depressed all the time. He was really getting on my nerves so, I chopped him up with the garden hoe as well. I got to quit solving my problems this way.

Now that Davenport is a ghost too, he and Charles just sit on my couch all day crying blood everywhere. How do I get myself into these situations? I guess I'll get drunk now, but all I have is some Steel Reserve FatFat left over and some cooking wine. What a turd of a day this has been.

fragment #17


Man, that snake will not let this poetry stuff go. Every time I go out to sit on the porch, he's there reciting twelve stanzas in free verse on swallowing rats whole or some such bullshit. Now, he wants me to go to his goddamn recital! I can't sit through that, I'll gnaw my own arm off. Why do these type of people always find me? I mean I feel bad, because he obviously has no friends, but enough is enough!

I chopped up the snake with a garden hoe. He was just a stupid snake and it's not like any one will miss him. Turns out his name was Charles.

Friday, May 6, 2011

fragment #16


I think things are cool between me and Ben Franklin. We had a talk, and I explained that I wasn't into immortals. I also introduced him to my friend, Gay Andy. They seem to really like each other. I wonder if all gay people scissor, or just lesbians?

The rest of the day was pretty boring except a snake talked to me. He was pretty boring too though. He just kept asking me to read his poetry. I don't want to read any snake poetry. It's probably depressing.

Thursday, May 5, 2011

the lbg


fullsize gallery





fragment #15


OK so, Ben Franklin is not a vampire, just immortal, and now things are kinda awkward (I think I broke his heart).

I think I'm going to just skip a day, and make myself a Whiskey Bathtub. If you don't know how to make a Whiskey Bathtub here's the recipe...

1 glass of whiskey (fill to brim)
1 bathtub
Fill bathtub with water
Get into bathtub (remember to take the whiskey with you)
Wallow in sadness

Wednesday, May 4, 2011

fragment #14

fragment #13
Ben Franklin is a vampire! We all hung out at FatFat's the day after the party. Ben Franklin kept trying to get me to go into the bathroom with him. I think he was trying to suck my blood. Also one time, when were in the kitchen alone, I felt him come up behind me. He just stood there, really close, breathing on my neck. I wonder if I should destroy him.

FatFat made us all huevos rancheros. Mine had a sock in it for some reason but was still pretty good.

Monday, May 2, 2011

fragment #13


Since I had returned to life, Lyle threw me a big party. He gave me this huge bottle of this stuff called Zwak. It's kinda like JƤger but for pretentious people. I drank like half the bottle, but never really got buzzed. I wonder how come that happened.

A lot of people showed up, including this one guy that looked just like Ben Franklin. I asked FatFat about him and it turns out, it was Ben Franklin! Lyle met him at the laundry mat on the corner of Sidco and Elm, and they hit it off. How is he still alive? I wonder if he's a vampire...

Davenport did a keg stand, and somehow managed to break all his fingers in the process. Weird.

Sunday, May 1, 2011

fragment #12


So, I decided to suicide. I had rather be dead again than a weiner dog. When my master wasn't looking, I ran out into traffic. A late model Volvo hit me causing my spine to fractured and my stomach to burst, spilling my guts in the hot sun. It took a while to die and no one really seemed to care, even my master. The last thing I heard, before the world went black, was a little kid yell, "Mommy, Mommy, that weiner dog exploded!"

When I woke up, I was me again and alive. Although, I kind of feel like my hands may be smaller than they were before.

Saturday, April 30, 2011

fragment #11


This morning I shit on the carpet, and dry humped a girls leg. I ate dry dog food and my own vomit. Being a wiener dog is terrible.

two rivers and shelby bottoms



fragment #10


Being dead was boring. I thought about visiting my grandmother but she didn't care for me much when we were alive. I remember on her death bed, she told me she had been faking the Alzheimer's so she could avoid talking to me. Instead, I decided to become reincarnated as wiener dog. I felt it would be less humiliating than being ignored by my own Gran.

Thursday, April 28, 2011

fragment #9


While I was in the shower a spider crawled out of my ear, so I went to the doctor to have shots done.

When the doctor looked in my ear he discovered a whole spider family. A momma spider, a poppa spider, and ten million baby spiders. The doctor told me it was unethical to destroy a family, and that I would be a terrible man to ask. He also told me the spiders had eaten most of my brain anyway, and I was basically a walking corpse.

I went home, laid down on the couch, and waited to die. I left my will on the coffee table next to me, although I have nothing to give.

fragment #8

fragment #7

When I got back from space FatFat was waiting for me at my door. He told me Lyle had some moonshine his parents had smuggled in from Macedonia, and that I should come over and try a bit. The rest of that day is pretty hazy, at best. I do remember squashing roaches in Lyle's kitchen while screaming "I do not value human life!" I also remember FatFat saying he was disappointed in my behavior, but I can't remember if it was about killing the roaches or not.

When I woke up the next morning my ears were bleeding but nothing felt missing so I took a shower, and went to work. They sent me home due to my smell and the bleeding. I tried to tell them the smell was from space but no one believed me.

Wednesday, April 27, 2011

rainy day pictures no 1, 2, & 3



























































bonus in comments.

fragment #7


Lyle and FatFat gave me a call, and asked if I wanted to ride over to a party at Davenports with them. I sat in the back seat with the window cracked. Pretty soon I started to feel my self fade away. When I moved my hands they seemed to leave a trail behind. FatFat looked back at me and said something, but I couldn't understand him. His words were gibberish and his tone harsh. Lyle tried to slug my leg but his hand just went through me. I started to float out the cracked window so FatFat tried to roll it up, but I was already gone. I watched the car get smaller and smaller as I lifted higher into the stratosphere. After not to long, Earth was a tiny beautiful blue dot. I stayed in space for a few weeks. I was the loneliest time in my life I could ever remember and it smelled terrible.

Monday, April 25, 2011

reason #6


Yesterday, I went for a bike ride in the park. I noticed a path I hadn't taken before, so I took it. The path seemed to go on for miles and miles. At the end I came to a clearing. Beautiful naked people were everywhere. You could see there was no sexual tension in their eyes. The innocence of childhood had been reclaimed. I took off my clothes and let the sun wash over me. I had never felt so free. A young women approached me with a frown on her face. She looked down at my body and then said to me, "You are terrible." Then she began to vomit. Mortified, I threw my clothes back on, jumped on my bike, and peddled away. On the way home I wrecked and cut my knee. Unfortunately the bleeding stopped.

Sunday, April 24, 2011

fragment #5


Me and Lyle went to the corner store to get some more beer, but when we go there, the windows were boarded up. There was a hand written sign that read "PLEASE GO THE FUCK AWAY RIGHT NOW". I'm not sure why but the sign made me sad. We walked home without our beers, defeated. Lyle told me I had to go anyway because he had women coming over.

Friday, April 22, 2011

fragment #4

fragment #3


Tuesday morning, I got up and it was the end of the world. Bombs rained from the sky, and the streets were lit with fire. People were screaming, sirens wailed. One lady ran past my window clutching her head. Blood streaked her hair, and it was falling out in big patches. I closed my blinds and went back to sleep.

The next day I went over to Lyle's house. I told him about my date with the lady and the child that we did not have. He told me that it was for the best, and that I was too young to be a father anyhow. I like Lyle because he always knows what to say. We spent the rest of the day playing Mortal Kombat on his old Sega and drinking rum and grenadine. I think you call that a zombie.

Thursday, April 21, 2011

fragment #3

fragment #2

Later that day, on my way home for work, I met a girl. I invited her to dinner, and over the course of the meal we fell very much in love. Later that night we tried to have a baby but it died inside her. With shovels found in the basement we dug a hole and buried it in the back yard. It looked like a bit of raw chicken laying there alone in the dirt. I cried all night, and soon a great river began to flow down the street on which she lived. Neighbors climbed onto their roofs, uncertain of what to do. I overturned an old doghouse and, after fashioning it into a raft, I paddled my way home.

Wednesday, April 20, 2011

dance

watching sam rockwell dance is one of my most favorite things.

Monday, April 18, 2011

no appreciation for the arts




from boingboing "Piss Christ," a long-controversial work created in 1987 by NYC-based artist Andres Serrano, was attacked with hammers and destroyed yesterday (Palm Sunday) following an "anti-blasphemy" campaign by French Catholic fundamentalists in the southern city of Avignon. The violent slashing of the picture, and another Serrano photograph of a meditating nun, has plunged secular France into soul-searching about Christian fundamentalism and Nicolas Sarkozy's use of religious populism in his bid for re-election next year.

rant

People say let God into your heart. I say God is too small for my heart. My friends don't have to pray, sacrifice their children, or toast in my honor to earn my love. Although a visit is nice, the people in my life don't have sit in attendance and listen to me ramble every Sunday. There are no special rules you have to follow in order to be my friend other than don't be a dick. My friends can eat all the bacon they want. They can love who they want. My friends can leave their foreskin intact.

Sunday, April 17, 2011

seƱor coconut y su conjunto plays the robots

for your listening pleasure. check comments for bonus.

fragment #2


I went to work even though I was still blind from the sun, and drunk from the vodka. No one seemed to notice or care. I was happy today, secure in the knowledge that I had forgoten what I was trying to forget and also, from the vodka. Customers came and went in a grey, shapeless, unfulfilling kind of way. At one point a man from Germany came in and yelled at me until he bled from his throat. He fell to the floor, exhausted, but still cursing my name. I and the other employees left him there for the rest of day. Every hour or so he would yell "Scheisskopf!" and someone would toss some change at him. As I was leaving I noticed the cleaning lady sweep him away with the rest of the trash, and I couldn't help but smile.

Friday, April 15, 2011

fragment

I'm sitting on my porch watching the ice melt in my glass of vodka. Little rivers form flowing through the drink, barely noticeable. Cloudy swirls of chemicals travel along these rivers making the water more than water. Chemicals that kill micro organisms and strengthen my teeth. In the darkest places of my heart I can't think of these chemicals as anything but little intruders of cleanliness and well being. When I'm poisoning myself these intruders are unwelcome. I lift the glass and toast to my own health. The vodka is cold in my mouth. It immediately washes away any fear I have of intruders in my water or elsewhere. A pleasant numbness creeps along my tongue, to the edge of my lips, up my spine, and into my brain. The radio begins to play an Eagles song so I get up to switch it off but the silence is deafening, making it much harder to ignore things that I'm trying to ignore. I switch the radio back on and tune the dial to some white noise and stair at the sun till I go blind.

Monday, March 7, 2011

fuck off grizzly bear

here is a link to my friend stephanie nilles. she writes very funny and very good songs in a kinda jazz, lounge , anti-folk style. she's releasing the album in rainbows style so drop some bills if you like her tunes and nashville people check her out when she plays the basement on march 31st.



New Orleans-based jazz/punk musician Stephanie Nilles' fourth album, Fuck Off Grizzly Bear, is generating a substantial amount of buzz after it surprisingly climbed to the top of Pitchfork's Album Title of the Year year-end list, an astounding feat considering it's March.


Nilles and her upright bassist, Matt Wigton, took a loose DIY approach to the album, recording in Nilles's childhood home, which she studio-nicknamed The Hell House as its surrounding town boasts more churches per capita than any other town in the United States. The duo recorded 3 hours worth of material over one weekend, and originally planned to release 7 separate e.p.'s, but a last-minute decision to "go green" halted the duplication of the project in its tracks.


According to the exhaustive liner notes, Nilles opted to record the entire album directly to a vintage Fisher Price cassette recorder, employing sound engineer Mike Judeh to use only its built-in microphone. After wrestling with the tape machine placement "for hours," Judeh decided to surgically implant the recorder inside Wigton's upright bass (resulting in a broken G string that had to be replaced with a bit of fishing line), illuminating a resonance and warmth lacking in today's mainstream recording industry. Upon mixing the record, Nilles was unhappy with the "sound" of the opus, and so recruited mastering engineer Brian Lucey to digitally render additional analog hiss.


Why Nilles opted to title the album Fuck Off, Grizzly Bear is unclear. The cover alone is sure to enrage a number of environmental activists. I can only hope that the depiction of Nilles flipping the bird at a member of a soon to be endangered species was a digital composite. Why musicians think that they can abuse defenseless animals to help sell their albums (think the Beach Boys' Pet Sounds or Joni Mitchell’s Dog Eat Dog) is a mystery that only they and their therapists can answer. In any case, the title track is nothing more than a list railing against the absurdity of the digital age, spouting such jarring lines as "Facebook is just the gateway drug to stalking." But apart from a vague reference to Grizzly Bear's Two Weeks in the song's opening piano riff, the darling band of the indie-rock community is left out of the equation. One is left wondering if Nilles even knows who Grizzly Bear is.


Stand-out tracks include For a HiLife Commercial, which is a vivid character study of a wall street frat boy. For it, all of the instruments were painstakingly tuned down a quarter-tone so that Nilles could occasionally utilize auto-tune (she sang into her iPhone's T-Payne auto-tune app), which ironically serves to make her voice sound slightly and intentionally off-pitch throughout. Dark Matter is an original poem set to music by Mexican folksongwriter Jose Alfredo Jiminez. In order to write it, Nilles spent months holed up in her grandparents' basement in Northern California, watching YouTube videos of Mexican rancheras.


With the exception of an achingly heart-warming version of Mike Bloomfield's 1974 blues ballad Love Me Or I'll Kill You, Nilles steers clear of love songs altogether, touching instead on such predictable subjects as the 2008 presidential election, the BP oil spill, pornography, and the integration of American public schools circa the 1950's. All make this eclectic but disparate collection of originals and covers seem, at times, verbose bordering on pedantic.


Although the record's piano work is nimble and intricate, it leaves the listener wanting more. Nilles began playing the piano at the age of 5, and, a child of the 80's, she quickly set her sights on learning to play every musical instrument [that Prince plays]. It should be noted, then, that she is only 22 years into her career; it is possible that her craft will hone itself over time. That said, Nilles' fourth record is a solid and inspired effort. A super-senior effort, however, just might be something for listeners to get excited about.

Friday, March 4, 2011

how did humans really evolve?

a kickass article on human evolution from annalee newitz at i09.com

years ago, a band of brave explorers left their families behind in their warm, tropical home and sought refuge in northern lands. Armed with sharp stone tools and their wits, they followed the coast as far north as they could, then began to veer east, settling on the sunny, fertile shores of an inland sea that today we call the Mediterranean. Their children spread further north and east, and a million years later they had established settlements along the coasts of today's Europe, England, and China.

A few hundred thousand years passed, when suddenly a new wave of immigrants emerged from Africa - the children of all the people our first adventurers left behind. They swarmed off the continent, following the route of their brethren. But what happened next? Did the new immigrants eradicate their strange cousins and colonize their lands? Settle down with them and have families? Or were they not strangers at all, but just far-flung satellites in the same family, who had kept in distant touch via trade routes for a million years?

Most of us are familiar with the basic outlines of the human evolutionary story. Our distant ancestors were a group of ape-like creatures who started walking upright millions of years ago in Africa, eventually developing bigger brains and scattering throughout the world to become modern humans of today. Now, advances in genetics have given us a sharper understanding of what happened in between the "scattering" and the "buying the latest iPad" chapters of the tale. The question is, which version of the story do you believe? It's one of the biggest questions in human evolution today. Here's what you need to know about it.

Who are the heroes of our story?

Human evolution wasn't a simple linear progression from ape-like hominid, to the humans of today. Early humans moved through several stages of evolution over time, but they were also wanderers who moved through many spaces. As they spread out across the land from their origins in southern Africa, they separated into different bands but continued to evolve. Our story here is about what happened to us as we scattered across the globe, and there are four major players in this evolutionary drama.

About two million years ago there was an archaic human called Homo ergaster who lived in Africa. She used fairly sophisticated methods to create stone tools, and taught those methods to her children. At some point, probably about 1.8 million years ago, H. ergaster split into many different bands. Some wound up crossing out of Africa and into the Middle East, Asia and Europe. Others stayed behind.

This is where things begin to get interesting. (See map above.) The H. ergaster groups who headed out into Asia eventually developed their own culture and distinct skull structure. They were evolving in a very different environment from their cousins back in Africa, so their bodies changed and so did their toolsets. Most of what remains from this era is fragmentary at best - a few bits of human skeletons, and a lot of stone tools. So we can track how the tools change more easily than how our ancestors' bodies did. Based on a combination of these new tools and a few telltale skull shape differences, scientists have dubbed these people Homo erectus. Their culture and communities lasted for hundreds of thousands of years, and spread throughout China and down into Java.

At the same time, another group of H. ergaster was drifting into Europe, creating homes in what are now Italy, Spain, France, Germany, and England, among others. They evolved a thicker brow and more barrel-chested body. These are the early humans popularly called Neandertals. Anthroplogists call them Homo neanderthalensis.

Back in Africa, H. ergaster was busy too. She was establishing homebases all over the coasts of the continent, reaching from South Africa all the way up to Algeria and Morocco. And about 200 thousand years ago, H. ergaster's skeletal shape had become indistinguishable from those of modern humans. Homo sapiens had emerged. And now things get complicated.

What happened when H. ergaster's children met?

A few years ago, anthropologist John Relethford summed up the complicated debate over what happened next by offering a somewhat simplified way to understand the three dominant theories.

The "African replacement" theory, sometimes called the "recent African origins" theory, holds that H. sapiens charged out Africa and crushed H. neanderthalensis and H. erectus under its feet. Basically H. sapiens replaced its distant cousins. This theory is simple, and the "mitochondrial Eve" discoveries of biochemist Rebecca Cann and colleagues support it with genetic evidence that shows all humans on Earth can trace their genetic ancestry to a H. sapiens woman from Africa.

But if you step back for a second and look at this theory from a historical perspective it starts to seem more unlikely. First of all, it assumes that H. sapiens treated her brethren as enemies, or as some anthropologists seem to suggest, she saw them as animals rather than members of her family. The question is: How likely is it that a group of tired H. sapiens wanderers, coming upon a community of H. erectus with tools and recognizably human faces, would attack them or ignore them as "animals"? Most likely they would trade with the locals, and possibly spend a while hanging out with them as they rested on their long journey.

Full size
And that's the kind of thinking that got the multi-regional theory started. Popularized by anthropologist Milford Wolpoff (see one of his papers on it here [PDF]), this theory fits with the same evidence that supports the African replacement theory - it's just a very different interpretation of the evidence. Wolpoff suggested that H. sapiens didn't sweep H. erectus and H. neanderthalensis away, but instead never really lost track of them in the first place.

Wolpoff's idea hinges on the very sensible notion that H. ergaster didn't leave Africa, but instead forged a pathway that many other archaic humans followed - in both directions. Just as humans had trade routes that linked far-flung lands in recorded history, our earliest ancestors probably had something similar. There is plenty of evidence that humans left many outposts along the route from Africa to Asia and Europe. Who is to say H. sapiens wasn't always intermingling and interbreeding with H. erectus and H. neanderthalensis? If Wolpoff and his colleagues are right - and evolutionary biologist John Hawks has presented compelling genetic evidence for this [PDF] - then H. sapiens probably didn't arise in Africa and colonize the rest of the world. Instead, she arose at roughly the same time throughout the world through this extended network.

The multi-regional theory does not suggest that two or three separate human lineages evolved in parallel, by the way. That's a common misinterpretation. It just suggests that there weren't two distinct waves of immigration like that map above suggests. Instead, immigration (and evolution of H. sapiens) started 1.8 million years ago and never stopped.

There is a kind of middle-of-the-road theory, too, which many dub the assimilation theory. Vinayak Eswaran and colleagues outline a theory like this in a recent paper, where they argue that genetic evidence suggests that there were two distinct waves of immigration out of Africa - the archaic human one, and the H. sapiens one. But as H. sapiens moved out into the world, she assimilated the local H. erectus and H. neanderthalensis peoples.

So basically, in the assimilation theory model H. sapiens didn't destroy her kindred, nor was she deeply interrelated with them as in the multi-regional theory. She met them as strangers, but forged alliances and formed families with them. Gradually, though, H. sapiens became the dominant culture.

Why do we know so little about this?

Anthropologists agree on most basic facts about where people migrated and when. How can we have three such divergent theories? The simple answer is that the evidence is scarce: Some stages in human evolution only appear in one or two bones.

Most of our information about where our ancestors lived come from finding tools because stone preserves better than bones do. As a result, scientists will often classify a discovery as belonging to H. erectus, for example, based on the kinds of tools they find and not on skeletal remains. So in a sense, our view of human history is based more on cultural artifacts than it is on biological ones.

Finding and dating these artifacts presents a number of problems, ranging from access (if there were H. ergaster cultural remains in Afghanistan, how would we go about excavating them?) to technological limits on dating (often we have to date the age of artifacts based on where they appear in sedimentary layers).

Until recently, the only way we could trace our routes out of Africa was by searching for fossils and artifacts. Anthropologists could track evolutionary and cultural changes by examining ancient remains, dating them with a variety of technologies, and extrapolating a route out of Africa based on those scarce findings.

Most anthropologists are comfortable admitting that we just don't know what happened when early humans left Africa, and are used to revising their theories when new evidence presents itself. Richard Klein's influential textbook The Human Career, which I highly recommend as a detailed primer on human evolution, is full of caveats about how many of these theories are under constant debate and revision.

Just this year, for example, anthropologist Simon Armitage argued in a paper that archaeological evidence suggests H. sapiens emerge from Africa as early as 200 thousand years ago, settling in the Middle East. This flies in the face of previous theories, which hold that H. sapiens didn't leave Africa until about 70 thousand years ago.

Genetic evidence

Today we are supplementing studies of human bones and artifacts with genetic studies. These studies rely on sampling DNA from representative people all over the world, and looking at how similar they are. If there was a recent wave of immigration from Africa, what you'd expect to see is people's DNA becoming more and more similar the further away from Africa they are. This is a result of what's called the "founder effect."

Full size
If you look at the illustration, you'll see a simple representation of the founder effect. As the original band splits into founder groups, their genetic diversity is lessened. As a result, when a population leaves an area you expect it to become less and less genetically diverse. And indeed, several studies have shown that humans all over the world are genetically very similar, with the most genetically diverse populations in Africa and India (the second place that H. sapiens settled).

A low genetic diversity among humans could suggest that the replacement theory is correct. As H. sapiens spread out of Africa, she replaced the archaic human populations and left only her own genetic traces behind.

However, other genetic studies seem to support the multi-regional or assimilation model, including the study by Hawks I mentioned earlier. He notes that traces of archaic humans in our DNA might not be easy to find, especially if hybrid children of H. erectus and H. sapiens intermarried with H. sapiens.

As our facility with genome sequencing advances, we also gain genetic evidence from the archaic humans themselves. Several groups of researchers recently sequenced the H. neanderthalensis genome, and discovered that modern humans do have traces of H. neanderthalensis in our DNA - which suggests the assimilation and multi-regional theories could end up being closest to the truth.

What do we know for sure about our origins?

Though we may not know what happened during those many migrations out of Africa, one thing that's certain is that we evolved from an ancestor that we share in common with apes. She's often called a "common ancestor" because she's the creature whose children split into the two groups who eventually evolved into modern apes and modern humans. There is ample, persuasive evidence of human evolution taking place in Africa - evidence that comes from early human remains as well as genetics. So there is absolutely no question that H. sapiens had her origins in cultures and communities dramatically different from our own. So different that they belong to another species.

The big question is whether our ancestry is a "pure" lineage that springs from a line of H. sapiens who left Africa relatively recently, or a patchwork quilt of many peoples and cultures who intermingled as they spread across the globe. The answer, right now, is a matter of interpretation. Regardless of our origins, the H. sapiens of today seems to bear the cultural heritage of all three theories. We are a species of conquerers, assimilators, and mixed peoples who trade with each other across great distances.

Thursday, March 3, 2011

colinstetson

this guy is a monster on the sax.
comments for bonus.

slackass

Oh yeah.


I have a blog.


I've been a total slacker lately on this thing and life. I don't know if it's the change in weather, some degenerate bug eating my brain, or just general malaise but all I seem to want to do lately is sleep. I have been working (slowly) on a comic book adaptation of a couple of my short stories.


Anyhow this is my reproach to the blog all be it a short one. As you can see I changed the layout a bit. I hope to do a complete overhaul soon and have this place looking pretty and shiny.


Oh yeah, how come no one told me about Ladies and Gentlemen, The Fabulous Stains? A must see for fans of the first wave punk and riotgrrl. It's had me listening to The Slits all week and bonus it's on net flix streaming now so check it out. Also check comments for bonus.

Monday, February 21, 2011

i take pictures




some pics from my bike ride the other day.

Friday, February 18, 2011

animals sketches

first sketches ziggy has done for the animals comic script. to quote kim deal "i'm amazed."

how cool does a post apocalyptic nashville look?

Tuesday, February 15, 2011

chanda's french fries

Here is an article Chanda's wrote on making the perfect french fries at home. They were pretty god damn good.


Admit it, you love McDonald’s french fries. And if you have any sense, you prefer a nice, crispy fry over a limp, lifeless potato stick. This is the perfect recipe for delicious tasting AND crunchy french fries AT HOME, without a deep fryer.
Step 1: Cut potatoes up! Preferably into thin pieces, unless you want mushy potato wedges, which, hey, to each thier own – but not recommended. Approx. 1 potato per person will be plenty.

Step 2: Place potato slices into a pot, cover with water (just enough so they float). Squeeze one whole lemon into the pot, and then throw the whole rind in with it! Bring to a boil for 10 minutes or so, or until soft, but keeping their shape.

Step 3: Drain potatoes, and set aside. Bring 2″ or so of vegetable oil (or other) to an almost boil. Carefully drop in some potato slices with a metal spoon, or spatula. Let them fry for 7 – 10 minutes. They will NOT turn brown, so don’t wait for them to.
Step 4: Carefully remove fries with said spoon, and let cool.
Step 5: Wait for oil to heat back up, and place fries back into oil for 1 – 2 minutes. Fries will start to brown quickly.

Step 6: Toss some salt and pepper on them while they’re still hot!
Step 7: eat.

I tested this recipe last night and it was.. um perfect.

Monday, February 14, 2011

bone marrow and chocolate cobbler

I made Valentine's dinner last night. Thick cut fillet Mignon, roasted bone marrow with parsley salad, and asparagus with balsamic vinegar. For desert my mom's chocolate cobbler. The bone marrow is something I've been wanting to try for quite some time and was actually pretty simple and cheap to pull off. Next time I want to try it with lemongrass, cilantro, and maybe some chili past.

Working on an adaption of the short story Animals as a comic book. If anyone knows any illustrators who may be interested.

Here is the recipe for the roasted marrow from last night as well as mom's chocolate cobbler:


The Bone Marrow:

Take your center cut beef bones and place them upright in a cast iron skillet or roasting pan. Place in the one and roast for 20 minute (or until marrow turns to liquid or jelly) at 450 degrees.


Thinly slice one shallot and rough cut about a half cup of Italian parsley( I used a rough cut but you can mince or tear if you like) add one teaspoon of olive oil and one teaspoon of lemon juice and toss.

On your serving plate grind out a table spoon of sea salt. With a spoon add a few drips of water to make a wet salt paste.

Grill or toast some bread (I used some cut up pita.)

See prep was easy peasy! Now how to eat!

With a knife or Very skinny spoon scoop out some marrow from the bone and spread it on your toast. Add a bit of your salad and smear a bit of the salt paste on top. Sub come to meat butter goodness.


OK now on to the Chocolate Cobbler.

In a sauce pan melt down a half cup of butter.

In a largish mixing bowl add three fourths cup sugar, one and a half cups cocoa, one cup of flower, one teaspoon of baking powder, one half teaspoon of sea salt, a half cup of milk, and one teaspoon of vanilla. Mix with your melted butter and pour into nine by nine baking dish.

In a separate bowl mix one cup of sugar one fourth cup of cocoa. Sprinkle this over your batter and pour one and a half cups of boiling over everything. Bake at at three fifty degrees for thirty minutes. Best served with a scoop of vanilla ice cream.


Saturday, February 5, 2011

Animals

Martin liked to drink from the tin can. It gave the water a hard metallic back that was pleasing to his palette. He had read somewhere that this meant that he had some type of mineral deficiency, but he had never bothered to see a doctor about it. Now that the war had come and gone, there were no doctors to go to. Instead of worrying about it, he simply allowed himself the pleasure of the tin tasting water, sipping it slowly as he looked out the window at the now unpopulated city in which he lived.

Some mornings he would hunt. Deer and wild pigs had moved into the city, so game was plentiful. He taught himself to cure and smoke meat, and after a few months of trial and error he was making his own salt pork and jerky. He would snare rabbits in box traps, later to be moved to the hutches that he had built on the far side of his roof top garden. He had found an old copy of Julia Child's The Way to Cook, and after some false starts, he was eating much better than he had before the war. Sometimes, as he was tending to his garden he would say out loud, "This new life, it's not so bad. Different, but not bad."

One morning, as he was hunting, he spotted a skinny calf walking down what had once been the city's Main Street. Martin was shocked to see a rope tied loosely around the animal's neck. A rope meant other people. The calf was much too young to be alive before the war and the it certainly hadn't tied the rope. He couldn't remember the last time he had seen another person alive. He could call out, but he didn't want to risk spooking the animal. Instead, he shouldered his rifle and approached the calf slowly. As he grabbed the rope the calf licked his hand much like a dog. Martin couldn't help but be pleased. He looked into the calf's eyes and asked, "Where did you come from?"

It took him the better part of the day to lead the calf up the three flights of stairs to the garden. "Well, I suppose you're thirsty." said Martin. He filled a pan with water and pulled up three carrots to feed the animal. For the first time since laying eyes on the beast he wondered how he was going to feed it. Maybe he could grow a plot of grass, but that would take too much time. He would have to sacrifice the wheat he had been growing. Martin had been looking forward to making his own flour and bread, but the prospect of fresh milk, butter, and cream was too tempting. He gave the calf the an affectionate pat on the head and headed off to bed for the night. Tomorrow would be a busy day. He would need to gather material to make a shelter for the calf and also search the area for any signs of the animals original owner. That rope made him wonder.

Martin awoke to an unearthly scream from the garden above. It was the rabbits. From time to time a fox or a wild dog would find its way up the hutches and the shrill scream from the rabbits always gave him a fright. He pulled on his pants, grabbed his rifle from the corner, and rushed up the stairs. What he saw when he reached the roof shocked him. A hooded figure was holding one of his rabbits by the throat with a gloved hand. The rabbit was struggling for its life, scratching and biting at it's attacker with a viciousness Martin didn't know the animal was capable of. It was then that he noticed the lifeless bodies of several of the other rabbits laying at the feet of the figure. Martin raised his rifle and with a thunderous crack the rabbit's attacker dropped to the ground. Slowly he approached the crumpled form It wasn't until he got closer that he noticed how small it was. With the his foot he turned the body over. A girl still alive but breathing heavily. Her blue eyes betrayed no hint of fear just contempt. "You stole our cow!" she spat. Blood trickled from both sides her mouth. Martin could only stare in horror although his mind was racing. Who was this? What had he done? "They will come for you! They will crush you! They will gnaw your bones!" she growled at him. Then with a scream, not unlike the rabbits, the life went out of her. He looked over to the calf. It stared back at him blankly.

Martin buried her that night, a few yards away from his building. He wrapped the tiny body in the hood she had been wearing and began to dig. The work was long. Every time he heard a noise in the distance he would put down the shovel and pick up his rifle.He would force himself to count to two hundred before placing the gun down and resuming his work. The sun began to rise as he threw on the last shovelful of dirt. He said, "I'm sorry", aloud before heading back to his home. When he finally laid back in his bed he could not keep his head from racing. What had she meant by "They"? Were there more like her? The cruelty in that little voice and the slaughter of his rabbits led him to believe if there were, that they would be hard to reason with. For the first time in many years Martin's feeling of isolation was gone, replaced now by fear and guilt.


That afternoon he cleaned and prepared the rabbits the girl had killed for curing. Three does and one buck, the biggest of the does Cass, had been pregnant. After skinning and gutting the animals he treated each with salt and left them to hang in the smoke house. Upon exiting the smokehouse door he saw something move underneath one of the hutches. It was the other rabbit. The one the girl had been strangling when he had shot her. "Hello." He said to the rabbit. Martin got down on both knees and reached for the animal. The rabbit hissed and scratched Martin like a cat. "Son of bitch!" Martin yelled pulling his hand back. The rabbit darted past him to hide in some other corner of the garden. Martin inspected his hand. Three deep gashes were welling up with blood. "What did you do that for?" he yelled to the long gone rabbit. Removing his shirt he wrapped his hand to stop the blood flow. The wound need stitching. Martin went downstairs to gather supplies for the unavoidable. He prepared the supplies he would need for the surgery on the desk next to his bed. Surgical thread, peroxide, bactine, scissors, and a sharp curved needle that Martin had once hoped he would never have to use. He removed his belt, with his good hand, doubled it, and placed it his mouth biting down hard. Unwrapping the hand was painful. They blood had already started to coagulate and was sticking to the shirt. "Fuck!" Martin yelled through the belt clenched teeth. He doused the wound first with peroxide then with the bactine. While letting the cut dry he threaded the needle and then held it over the flame of the candle for a moment. "And now the hard part." he said through belt clenched teeth before making the first stitching. He saw red as the needle punched through his calloused skin but the second stitch wasn't nearly as bad. As he was finishing the first scratch he noticed a boy was standing in the doorway to his bedroom. He wasn't much older than the girl and he was gripping a pistol in his right hand. "Hi." said Martin.

"Hello." said the boy back and then after a pause asked, "Did you kill my sister?"

"Yes. I believe so." said Martin.

"Why?" Asked the boy.

"She was killing my rabbits..." Martin tried to explain. "I think she thought that I stole her cow but I just found it." The words didn't even make sense to him so he just said "I'm sorry."

The boy looked at Martin. His eyes were so sad. "Does that really matter?" He asked."No, I suppose it doesn't." Replied Martin.

The boy fired the gun once hitting Martin in the stomach. Martin looked at the blood welling from his body in disbelief. "You killed me."

"Yes." Said the boy. He was now crying. "I'm sorry."

Martin pressed his hand against the wound but the blood would not stop. The boy was watching him, still crying. "Do you think I'll be the last person?", asked the boy.

"I don't know." Said Martin. He was beginning to get sleepy and the pain was becoming a dull throb. It wouldn't be long now. "What happened to the rest of family? You're sister...when it happened she mentioned a they."

"My sister wasn't right sir. Our family died when we were younger. It was just me and Nalla." The Boy had stopped crying now and was now looking at ground with a blank expression.

"Nalla... What's your name?" Martin asked the boy.

"Jacob." Said the boy still looking at the ground.

"Jacob, my name is Martin and I will be dead very soon. I have a hutch of rabbits on the roof. Will you let them out before you leave this place?" Martin coughed twice projecting a fine pink mist in the candles light.

"Yes." Said Jacob.

"Thank you. Now will you end this? It will take hours otherwise." Martin laid back in the bed slowly and closed his eyes.

Jacob nodded and approached the bed hesitantly. He raised the gun to Martin's head and closed his eyes.

Later on the roof Jacob set the rabbits free. He was surprised to see one was already loose. His sister Nalla's calf was tied to one corner of the rabbits hutch. Jacob looked into the animal's eyes. "You are the only thing my sister ever loved." He left the calf on Martin's roof and set off back into the city alone.










Tuesday, February 1, 2011

insanity in nigeria

this is one man's story of being jailed in nigeria for helping two children abused and abandoned by their families for allegedly being witches. i think it's important to remember how crazy other parts of the world still are and how lucky we are here to be where we are. from butterflies and wheels.

p.s. still working on my short story.

On Tuesday January 11th around 5pm, I was arrested along with my driver and a photographer in front of a bank in Uyo Akwa State in Southern Nigeria . I arrived in Akwa Ibom on Sunday, January 9 to rescue two alleged witch children abused and abandoned by their families. One of the kids, 8 year old Esther Obot Moses, was living with a mad man who raped her several times. On that ‘fateful’ Tuesday, around 5.40 am, I stormed a dilapidated building in Nsit Ubium where the lunatic lived with two police officers and successfully rescued the poor girl. We went to the police station, made an entry and got a police extract.

Esther started vomiting on our way back. I took her to a children’s hospital in Uyo where she was treated for malaria. I later handed the children over to the Ministry of Women’s Affairs and Social Welfare. I ran short of money in the course of doing this and rushed to a nearby bank to collect some cash. On leaving the bank, I couldn’t find my driver and the photographer who were waiting for me outside. I was accosted by a police officer who led me to where they were being held and questioned. I identified them as those who accompanied me to the bank, and the police forced me to sit on the ground. The police officers were asking us questions indiscriminately in their effort to implicate us or to confess to crimes we never committed.

They accused us of planning to kidnap someone. All my explanations as to our mission at the bank fell on deaf ears. Later a bus with some gun-throttling and fierce-looking police officers arrived. They removed our shirts and used them to tie our hands at the back. They pushed and kicked us into the bus and took us to the Anti-Kidnapping Unit at the state police command in Uyo.

Meanwhile we were in pain due to the way our hands were tied. On getting to the police station we urged the officers to untie our hands. But they refused. After a while one of the officers came and untied the hands of my photographer and replaced it with chains. I asked him to replace my own too. And he retorted “Don’t you know they are for sale?” Of course I didnt know and didn’t bother to ask him how much the handcuffs were sold for.

Another police officer said my hands were not properly tied,so he brought another shirt and tied my hands the second time. The pains increased. I literally lost all the sensations in my hands down to my fingers. I felt as if I had no hands or fingers at all. My hands were just dangling at my back as if they were lifeless.

At this point the Officer in Charge (O/C) of the anti-kidnapping unit, a middle-aged man who is fair in complexion, came in and started interrogating me. “Who are you? And where do you work?” he asked.

I told him that I worked with the International Humanist and Ethical Union (IHEU), an that I was in Uyo for an ongoing campaign against witchcraft accusations and to rescue victims.

“Where is your organization based?” he inquired. I said, London . As soon as I mentioned “London” he hit me several times with a baton on my head and my legs. He said I was among those who used fake NGOs to make money in the name of campaigning against witchcraft accusations in the state. He asked other officers to move me to another room for further interrogation. On getting to the other room, the officer started beating and kicking me. The O/C later arrived and asked him to stop. He ordered them to untie my hands.

I made a statement narrating how we were arrested. The O/C ordered us to be detained.

The next morning the O/C invited me to make another statement on IHEU. He asked me to state where it was based, whether it had an office in Nigeria, how it raised its funds etc., which I did. They kept us in a squalid building where we were held incommunicado – without food, water or access to our telephones. But we managed to smuggle out the telephone numbers of our family members and friends through some visitors who helped us contact them.

We were detained along with 50 other persons suspected of kidnapping in a room with one door and four windows all on one side.

The apartment had no fan or electricity. It used to be hot in the night so most inmates slept naked, packed like sardines. Most of them slept on the floor, a few slept on plastic bags. I couldn’t sleep and spent the night massaging my swollen head by pressing it against the floor.

All the detainees urinated, defecated, bathed and ate in the same room. Most of them had rashes, wounds and sores all over their bodies. They had no access to any medical care, and the police did not allow their families to bring them drugs.

The police did not care a hoot about the welfare of the detainees. They only opened the gate by 6 am and closed it by 6 pm, and of course extorted money from visitors who came to see their loved ones. Even animals are treated than the way detainees at the anti-kidnapping unit of the Uyo Police Command are treated. The police only arrest suspects and throw them into detention to languish and die slowly. Most of the detainees have been there for months awaiting trial. I had no doubt that some of the detainees were innocent citizens like us who were going about their business but were arrested and framed as kidnappers.

In the morning of Thursday, January 13, news reached us that the O/C had agreed to release only my driver and the photographer. I was a bit relieved.

Shortly after the news came, a humanist friend, Barrister James Ibor, arrived and we were all released without charge, after a short meeting with the assistant commissioner of police. It appeared that there had been some pressure on the police authorities to release us. I still experience pains on my head, hands and legs. My left hand is still not functioning properly.

But I am undeterred by the arrest, torture and detention – whether it was politically motivated or not. I will continue to work and campaign against witchcraft accusations and related abuses in Akwa Ibom state and beyond.

Saturday, January 22, 2011

austrailian prisoner photography


i love these vintage photographs by an unknown french photographer. the models are all inmates of the australian penal system. original article at la boite verte. i found them via coilhouse. be sure to check the rest out at either mentioned site.




working on a new short story after scrapping a review i was working on of the local taco. i found it wasn't very fun to write a negative review. i'll just say save your money go to lopez and buy yourself some real tacos.

ps sticking with the french. check the comments for some serge.

Thursday, January 13, 2011

pho(k) yeah

Woke up this morning at 5:00 am. Still groggy I take a look out my bedroom window still snowing and still dark. I Walk to the bathroom and blow my nose for like ten minutes and coughed up phlegm for another ten after that. I hate winter. Everyday I wake up sick. Every thing is dead, gray, and so goddamn cold.

What could possibly make this day enjoyable (aside from that chickenshit sun showing itself)? I can't go back to bed because I have to go to work. I can't get drunk because I have to go to work. I can't even go look for a suitable bridge to go jump off because I have to go to work. Oh and to top things off I have to go to goddamn work.

And then I have a revelation.

Pho. I can have Pho for lunch.

Pho (pronounced fa) is a Vietnamese soup made with rice noodles with a beef broth. Mouth searingly spicy and yet so comforting with its fresh Thai basil, lime, and cilantro. Typical to Vietnamese dishes the herbs and lime are served on the side along with nuclear red chili paste, raw chilies, sugar, and fish sauce all to be used and abused at the discretion of the diner (hint if it doesn't hurt a little you aren't doing it right).

I got my fix at Thai Star's new location on Thompson Lane. Whats that Sam, Thai place for Vietnamese? Hey Sam, isn't their chef from Laos? Yes and yes. But guess what people? They have amazing food and more importantly amazing pho.



I mean just look at this folks!









I enlist my friend Gattis for the trip, both being a big fan of Thai Star and in town for the weekend. This a first time for both of us at the new local (when we roomed together we both frequented the E. Thompson store). We arrived at restaurant at 3:30. Typically this is a very slow time for any restaurant and I am surprised to still see plenty of people in the dining room. I Take this as a good sign. Our server seated us promptly and as a bonus was pretty funny. After taking our drinks she asked us if we were ready to order.

"Beef Pho please!" I say maybe a little too quickly.

Gattis orders the yum neu (a very very spicy beef salad) and a small bowl a of tom yum (a seafood stock soup with lemon grass.) While we wait for our food I check out the new digs. The dinning room is much larger than the previous building's. The decor is tasteful if a little sparse with a nice hand made bamboo entrance at the main door. A small shrine to Buddha sits in the corner and at the register a TV plays Thai music videos with English subtitles. The only thing I miss from the old place is a calender with Thai pin up girls.

Our food arrives and I quickly get to work making the Pho my own. Adding a generous amount of Siracha, a spoon full of sugar, some lovely but smelly fish sauce, and of course the chili paste, herbs, and lime but leaving out ice berg lettuce and hoisin sauce. The first bite is both heaven and hell.

I say to John, "May have been a little too heavy handed with the chili."

Even the steam from this stuff is unstopping my once impenetrable nasal passage. Hints of anise and coriander make it past the lava like heat and the freshness of the basil and cilantro. The beef is tender and not overcooked. The noodles soak up the broth and round out everything nicely.

The pleasure centers in my brain seem to be running on over time. Endorphins are starting to kick in from the heat and I have to stop myself from picking up the bowl and drinking the broth like cereal milk. This shit is that good.

I suddenly realize why I go to work. Like a junkie it's cop. Shoot. Cop.

Go to work to make money for pho.

Eat Pho.

Start all over again.

Tuesday, January 11, 2011

a mix for winter


its snowing and i'm trapped at home. the car is still on the fuzz and chanda is at work. i made a mix for any of you in similar situation. hope you enjoy.

http://www.mediafire.com/file/7xxz87l9pv4epb0/amixforwinter.zip

Out At The Pictures - Hot Chip
Mystereality - Orchestral Manoeuvres In The Dark
Winter Time - Drug Rug
Fake Palindromes - Andrew Bird
Waitin' For A Superman - The Flaming Lips
We've Been Had - The Walkmen
5 - 4 = Unity - Pavement
Weekend Wars - MGMT
Plateau - Meat Puppets
Save It For Later - English Beat
Web In Front - Archers Of Loaf
Cherry Blossom Girl - Air
The Second Line - Clinic
Running Up That Hill - Kate Bush
Black Cab - Jens Lekman
The Chauffeur - Duran Duran

Saturday, January 8, 2011

the witch walks out on john

"God dammmit!" Cynthia yelled, as she threw her flattening iron through the bathroom door and into the living room. Her boyfriend John looked up from his beer as it landed at feet.

"You OK?" said John.

"No, I just burnt my fucking hand!" Cynthia looked at her hand. Little blisters were already starting to form. She saw John walk to door frame still holding his beer. She twitched her nose and the door slammed in his face.

"Dammit, babe! Why do you have to be that way?" John yelled from behind the door.

"Just leave me alone for a minute!" she shouted back. "Just fuck off, John."

"Fine, whatever." he muttered.

Cynthia thought about twitching her nose again and turning John's skin inside out, but managed to keep her composure. She could still hear him muttering under his breath from the other room. With her uninjured hand she turned on the sink and ran cold water over the burn. After staring at the medicine cabinet door for a moment, it popped open and a box of bandages flew over to her. She dressed her wound and put the bandages back up without using her powers. The throbbing was beginning to ease off and she was starting to feel a little guilty for snapping at John, he had meant well after all. Suddenly, Cynthia realized it hadn't really been the pain. She no longer loved him and that hurt much more than the burn.

"John, I'm sorry. You can come in now." she called though the door.

He came in quicker than she expected. His face was blank and he wouldn't look directly at her.

"I didn't mean to yell like that. I apologize." said Cynthia

"It's OK. Is your hand all right?" He asked without looking up.

"I'm alright." she said holding up the bandaged hand. "I never really wanted to play the violin anyway."

He smiled a little at that. She had fallen for that smile. For a second she remembered why she had once loved him.

"Would you care to dance?" Cynthia asked him. She held out her hand and John took it. She twitched her nose once more. Suddenly, their tiny apartment was a ballroom. A pianist sat in the corner. He began to play Chopin's "Minute Waltz". Without her powers neither Cynthia nor John would have been very good dancers, but in that moment they were gliding around the room like a couple of old pros. When the music stopped, Cynthia said, "John I don't want to do this anymore."

"You're the one who asked me to dance, Cynthia." John replied, still smiling.

"No. This. Us. I don't love you anymore." Cynthia said quietly. John's smile faded and became a glare of contempt. For a moment they just stood there still holding each other.

"Fuck you, Cynthia." John said quietly.

She thought for a moment that he may hit her, but instead he squeezed her injured hand hard and then spat on the floor. The pain shot through her body and the ballroom began to melt away. Soon enough they were in the tiny apartment again and John wouldn't look at her. Instead of dancers they were just two people.

"I'm leaving you, John." said Cynthia.

"I'm sorry I squeezed your hand." He said, still not looking at her.

"No, you're not." She replied coolly.

John finally looked her in the eye.

"No, I'm not." He said with a wicked smile. That smile made her shutter.

"I hope it hurts for days!" He screamed.

With that, she got up and walked out the door without bothering to pack. The few things that meant anything to her she could send for later. Right now all she wanted was to be any where but this tiny apartment and with this man who already felt like a stranger.

While in the hallway, she heard a mighty crash against the door, followed by a muffled "Fuck you!". Probably the bottle of beer John had been drinking. It was hard for her to imagine him displaying that kind of passion, and ever harder to imagine him wasting a beer. People were starting to poke their noses through cracked doors, trying to discover what the commotion was. She glared at Mrs. Adams from 301, who quickly ducked back into her apartment.

On her way down to the lobby, she began to think about how many times she had walked up and down this flight of stairs and how odd it felt that this would be the last. She passed by Peter Rigginhouse, who smiled at her wanly. Peter was a dumpy little man who had always given Cynthia the creeps. Just to be mean, she wiggled her nose and the bag of groceries that Peter had been carrying became a bag of snakes. Peter dropped the bag in horror. His girlish scream reverberating in the stair well. Cynthia had to bite her lip, almost to the point of bleeding, to keep from laughing out loud. She twitched her nose again and the bag returned to an ordinary sack of groceries. "Everything OK, Mr. Rigginhouse?" She asked the terrified man. It was becoming harder and harder for her to suppress her laughter.

Peter was starring at the bag not knowing what to expect.
"That was a cruel trick, Cynthia..." He stammered. "I have a bad heart you know!"

"Trick, Mr. Rigginhouse?" She was no longer able to contain herself. "I don't know what you could be talking about," She said through the laughter.
Cynthia was now feeling much better. Soon my life with John will be a distant memory, she thought to herself. She continued through the lobby, leaving Mr. Riggenhouse to collect his groceries. Before walking through the doors one last time, she stopped to take once last look around. Plastic potted plants covered in dust and a threadbare couch in the one corner. She would not miss this place.

In the parking lot stood the beat up old Buick she and John shared. The car was in his name. She had been paying the rent for last six months and had made no attempt to pay her back. "This is collateral, John." Cynthia said out loud to herself. She wrapped her coat tightly around her arm and busted the glass out of the window with her elbow. Being careful not to cut herself, she reached through the broken glass, unlocked the door, and climbed in. Somethings were just more satisfying the hard way, she mused. She wiggled her nose and the engine roared to life. Without looking in the rear view mirror, she threw the car in reverse and backed out into the street, leaving the shattered glass glittering on the asphalt.

Thursday, January 6, 2011

study linking vaccine to autism was fraud


working on a new short story. here is a very important story.

Journal: Study linking vaccine to autism was fraud

LONDON (AP) — The first study to link a childhood vaccine to autism was based on doctored information about the children involved, according to a new report on the widely discredited research.

The conclusions of the 1998 paper by Andrew Wakefield and colleagues was renounced by 10 of its 13 authors and later retracted by the medical journal Lancet, where it was published. Still, the suggestion the MMR shot was connected to autism spooked parents worldwide and immunization rates for measles, mumps and rubella have never fully recovered.

A new examination found, by comparing the reported diagnoses in the paper to hospital records, that Wakefield and colleagues altered facts about patients in their study.

The analysis, by British journalist Brian Deer, found that despite the claim in Wakefield's paper that the 12 children studied were normal until they had the MMR shot, five had previously documented developmental problems. Deer also found that all the cases were somehow misrepresented when he compared data from medical records and the children's parents.

Wakefield could not be reached for comment despite repeated calls and requests to the publisher of his recent book, which claims there is a connection between vaccines and autism that has been ignored by the medical establishment. Wakefield now lives in the U.S. where he enjoys a vocal following including celebrity supporters like Jenny McCarthy.

Deer's article was paid for by the Sunday Times of London and Britain's Channel 4 television network. It was published online Thursday in the medical journal, BMJ.

In an accompanying editorial, BMJ editor Fiona Godlee and colleagues called Wakefield's study "an elaborate fraud." They said Wakefield's work in other journals should be examined to see if it should be retracted.

Last May, Wakefield was stripped of his right to practice medicine in Britain. Many other published studies have shown no connection between the MMR vaccination and autism.

But measles has surged since Wakefield's paper was published and there are sporadic outbreaks in Europe and the U.S. In 2008, measles was deemed endemic in England and Wales.